..but I am concerned when you use your mother, uncle, father, aunt, son, daughter, wife, husband and or the hot neighbor as an excuse for not feeding the meter. I understand that we are at/near a hospital and the above excuses are very sick and or near death(Never are they just in for a blood test, cast, discharge etc..) I am not sure if your mother, uncle, father, monkey, goldfish or hamster would approve of you using them as an excuse. I understand that you chose not to use the FREE parking garages that are closer to the hospital/clinic and that you preferred to park a block or two away.
If your (reread the above scapegoats) were really sick and or near death, you have my appreciation that you were more concerned about me issuing you a ticket, than you not leaving their side and keeping them in comfort.
Whateva..
About Me
- "..effin meter maid!"
- A town that needs more parking ticket revenue, Obviously the state of denile, United States
- Just a guy, "Meter Maid," "Parking Nazi," and father of two boys. Yes, I do sleep at night.
Monday, July 27, 2009
I gave you a ticket because...
While I was out on my assigned beat today...
I issued a ticket to a vehicle today, license plate infraction if you must know. (You don't need to know but I will play along) I was down at the other end of the street and then turned around and headed back to the vehicle I issued the ticket to. At that same time the owner came up to his vehicle and noticed his citation in the door. I calmly rolled down my window and told him what the citation was for. He said he thought it was for being too far from the curb and that he is going to adjust his vehicle because he didn't like its position. (I am so diggin' this citizen) Side note: Earlier when I cited him I noticed he had a license plate holder/frame indicating his favorite team. Hell, even his license plate indicated what team he was a sap for. So... I had a little fun with him. "Sir," I said, "The citation is also for being a fan of (insert crappy team here)." He pointed at me with, get this, a finger that is not associated with a feathery animal and said, "Good One."
Despite the ticket I gave him, I think I made a friend. He left me with an impression that there is still hope for humanity. At least until tomorrow.
I issued a ticket to a vehicle today, license plate infraction if you must know. (You don't need to know but I will play along) I was down at the other end of the street and then turned around and headed back to the vehicle I issued the ticket to. At that same time the owner came up to his vehicle and noticed his citation in the door. I calmly rolled down my window and told him what the citation was for. He said he thought it was for being too far from the curb and that he is going to adjust his vehicle because he didn't like its position. (I am so diggin' this citizen) Side note: Earlier when I cited him I noticed he had a license plate holder/frame indicating his favorite team. Hell, even his license plate indicated what team he was a sap for. So... I had a little fun with him. "Sir," I said, "The citation is also for being a fan of (insert crappy team here)." He pointed at me with, get this, a finger that is not associated with a feathery animal and said, "Good One."
Despite the ticket I gave him, I think I made a friend. He left me with an impression that there is still hope for humanity. At least until tomorrow.
Click Click Click Click...
The sound of a frustrated woman in high heels, chasing me down the street after receiving a ticket. I am in my enforcement vehicle. She was in her...Steve Madden's..?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I appreciate that you..
Dear Citizens,
I appreciate that you look me in the eye, and flip me off. As you drive by..
I appreciate that you look me in the eye, and flip me off. As you drive by..
A Raider Fan
I was working my assigned beat about 2 weeks ago...
I had issued a ticket to a vehicle parked in a no parking zone. I was on the next block over when a vehicle behind me began to honk. I stopped and he pulled up along my passenger side. He was angry that I issued him a ticket and he asked me to take it back..? I said no. Duh.
He then proceeded to call me and my profession names and I then instructed him to get out of traffic, to move on. (5 cars are now behind him) He threatened to hurt me. I threatened to call the local sheriff and he can can complain to the sheriff about his unhappiness with my ticket.
The unhappy citizen left.
About ten minutes later the citizen was back. This time I noticed he was ready for an escalated confrontation for he was now donning an Oakland Raider hat. That's how I knew he meant business. He threatened to go get a video camera and film me and give it to the local news. Why? I do feel that I am somewhat handsome, with my clothes on of course. (I have seen myself naked and it really isn't that great.) But I don't take pictures well. Long story longer, I told the Raider fan to go away for I am now calling the local sheriff. He finally left.
I should have told him that I am also a Raider fan. True statement.
Its good to support your favorite pro team.
I had issued a ticket to a vehicle parked in a no parking zone. I was on the next block over when a vehicle behind me began to honk. I stopped and he pulled up along my passenger side. He was angry that I issued him a ticket and he asked me to take it back..? I said no. Duh.
He then proceeded to call me and my profession names and I then instructed him to get out of traffic, to move on. (5 cars are now behind him) He threatened to hurt me. I threatened to call the local sheriff and he can can complain to the sheriff about his unhappiness with my ticket.
The unhappy citizen left.
About ten minutes later the citizen was back. This time I noticed he was ready for an escalated confrontation for he was now donning an Oakland Raider hat. That's how I knew he meant business. He threatened to go get a video camera and film me and give it to the local news. Why? I do feel that I am somewhat handsome, with my clothes on of course. (I have seen myself naked and it really isn't that great.) But I don't take pictures well. Long story longer, I told the Raider fan to go away for I am now calling the local sheriff. He finally left.
I should have told him that I am also a Raider fan. True statement.
Its good to support your favorite pro team.
I don't care.
You have a truck. Attached to the truck is a 15ft trailer. The front of the truck, at the bumper is a sign. The sign indicates that citizens are not to park there, ever. It also states something about being towed. Now that sign is at the end of a street at the corner of that street. About 15-20ft from that corner. Picture the above truck that is always longer than 15-20ft. (You still with me?) That truck, has an attached trailer. The trailer is 5ft into the intersection. A safety risk? Not according to the citizen, keep reading. Did I mention that there is a 4ft ramp protruding from the end of the above trailer? No? Sorry, my bad. So I drove up to the citizen and asked him to move both vehicles to a safer spot. I repeated. I waited. I advised him of a possible fine of $100. I drove down the street after getting a rattle of acknowledgement. I looked back, and the citizen went back to what he was doing, mowing a lawn. Now to be honest, he was not exactly happy that I wanted him to move his vehicles, out of the intersection. I drove back to him and said again, please move your vehicle so not to get two tickets worth $100. He said he was almost done. I said "I don't care."
Funny, sometimes I believe that my duties include protecting other citizens from potential accidents. I have to ask people to move their vehicle in spite of THEMSELVES. Heaven forbid that I am keeping them from being involved in a accident by a fault of their own.
With a few expletives (swear words, sailors salt) he finally got into his truck and drove away. He drove away around the corner. I also left. 2 minutes later he was parked in the same spot, back to mowing. Obviously I was back and proceeded to issue him a ticket. Only one ticket mind you, for $50. The citizen threw every swear word he knew at me.
Was I too pushy? Should I have left him alone?
The citizens down the street working in their yard, exactly 6 houses down, heard every expletive.
Funny, sometimes I believe that my duties include protecting other citizens from potential accidents. I have to ask people to move their vehicle in spite of THEMSELVES. Heaven forbid that I am keeping them from being involved in a accident by a fault of their own.
With a few expletives (swear words, sailors salt) he finally got into his truck and drove away. He drove away around the corner. I also left. 2 minutes later he was parked in the same spot, back to mowing. Obviously I was back and proceeded to issue him a ticket. Only one ticket mind you, for $50. The citizen threw every swear word he knew at me.
Was I too pushy? Should I have left him alone?
The citizens down the street working in their yard, exactly 6 houses down, heard every expletive.
Uh, oh!
I was out on my assigned beat one morning and I received a phone call..from my mommy. I pulled over next to the curb. I can't remember if the phone call was important or not but I had a minute or two to say hi and how you doin'. I had my mom on speaker. I often look around, in my mirrors and such and sure enough, a citizen approached my window. I rolled it down four inches..he had a ticket in his hand.
The Citizen with a deep and poignant voice: "Are you meter maid #5?
Me: "No."
The deep voiced citizen: "Well meter maid #5 gave me this ticket (places it against the safety barrier also known as the thin glass window) and I want to ask him why. I have been driving around here looking for him"
Me looking at the date/info on the ticket: "Um..sir, that ticket was written two weeks ago."
My Mommy, heard through speaker phone: "uh ohhh!"
Me to my mommy: "Mom, I will have to call you back."
Now you would be wondering as I was, why the citizen was driving around for two weeks looking for meter maid #5. You might be feeling a sense of panic starting to rise within yourself, as I did. You might also hear a small but distinct voice in your head saying, "ohhh fuck." Again, as I did.
As I sit there, the few brain cells I have racing and running into each other, I try to come up with a plan and or answer to this determined citizen. I told the citizen the truth. "Sir we have different beats every day. You might not see meter maid #5 for another 2 weeks. More importantly that ticket is going to double in one week and you might want to take care of that ticket today." The citizen went on to explain how he doesn't deserve the ticket and why it was paramount that he finds meter maid #5. It was paramount that I would be able to leave this area/citizen with all my fingers and other assorted appendages. (Well, I felt a little concerned)
I had my finger poised to push the emergency call button which sends...my...what.. dispatcher into a panic? (Never had to push the "Panic Button.")
I restated my concern to the citizen that he needs to contact the meter maid main office as soon as he can. If he wishes to question the ticket. I explained to the citizen that I am helpless, I mean, I am unable to help him with a ticket when issued by anyone.
After a long pause, the citizen walked back to his car and drove away.
As a fellow carbon based lifeform, we all have similar desires and one is that we want our questions answered. Sometimes it may take two weeks to hunt down an answer. And we might still be left with questions.
The Citizen with a deep and poignant voice: "Are you meter maid #5?
Me: "No."
The deep voiced citizen: "Well meter maid #5 gave me this ticket (places it against the safety barrier also known as the thin glass window) and I want to ask him why. I have been driving around here looking for him"
Me looking at the date/info on the ticket: "Um..sir, that ticket was written two weeks ago."
My Mommy, heard through speaker phone: "uh ohhh!"
Me to my mommy: "Mom, I will have to call you back."
Now you would be wondering as I was, why the citizen was driving around for two weeks looking for meter maid #5. You might be feeling a sense of panic starting to rise within yourself, as I did. You might also hear a small but distinct voice in your head saying, "ohhh fuck." Again, as I did.
As I sit there, the few brain cells I have racing and running into each other, I try to come up with a plan and or answer to this determined citizen. I told the citizen the truth. "Sir we have different beats every day. You might not see meter maid #5 for another 2 weeks. More importantly that ticket is going to double in one week and you might want to take care of that ticket today." The citizen went on to explain how he doesn't deserve the ticket and why it was paramount that he finds meter maid #5. It was paramount that I would be able to leave this area/citizen with all my fingers and other assorted appendages. (Well, I felt a little concerned)
I had my finger poised to push the emergency call button which sends...my...what.. dispatcher into a panic? (Never had to push the "Panic Button.")
I restated my concern to the citizen that he needs to contact the meter maid main office as soon as he can. If he wishes to question the ticket. I explained to the citizen that I am helpless, I mean, I am unable to help him with a ticket when issued by anyone.
After a long pause, the citizen walked back to his car and drove away.
As a fellow carbon based lifeform, we all have similar desires and one is that we want our questions answered. Sometimes it may take two weeks to hunt down an answer. And we might still be left with questions.
Just because you are a law student...
I was summond to court last year on a ticket I issued. Now I try to write nothing but good tickets because I dont like going to court. It wastes the citizens time and it costs the city money being in court because I am not writing tickets. YES! I am sincere about not wasting the citizens time so I try to write the best ticket possible. I wrote about 16K tickets last year, 39 cancels and about 12 court cases. Just in case you didn't know..thats pretty good. (from my point of view)
Now as I was typing..I had to go to court on a ticket I issued to a vehicle parked for more than two hours in a posted 2 hour zone. I had to go sit on the "stand" and tell the court why and how I issued this particular ticket. The citizen wanted to ask me a couple of questions and it went something like this:
The Citizen: "Officer ..effin meter maid, can you prove that you were at my car at the time you stated you were?"
(Earlier when he was sworn in by the judge to give his testimony, he proudly exclaimed that he was a law student)...sorry I interrupted my own story..
Before I could say yes, the judge wanted to answer this one..Now this judge is noted for being fair to both sides. She was fair to the meter maids and fair to the citizens. You write a bad ticket and she had no patience for you. And the same goes for the citizen, you state a bad case or reason for the ticket being dismissed and you were toast.
The judge has her left hand under her chin and her left elbow resting on her desk..err podium. Throne? She looks at the citizen with a sparkle of intrigue in her eyes..
The Judge: " Didn't you receive the ticket on the car by the officer?'
Citizen: "yes."
Judge with a look of puzzlement: "Well that is how he proved he was there."
Citizen: "But he (Me) didn't prove that he was there like with a photograph or GPS.."
The Judge clearly befuddled and still with her hand on her chin but now glaring at the law student: "The officer doesn't take pictures of himself issuing tickets and you stated you did receive the ticket on your car."
The Citizen now squirming under the judges piercing eyes and what had seemed like a 5 minute pause: "Your honor I change my plea to guilty."
Now I am not the brightest meter maid, but that law student had me feeling pretty smart.
Now as I was typing..I had to go to court on a ticket I issued to a vehicle parked for more than two hours in a posted 2 hour zone. I had to go sit on the "stand" and tell the court why and how I issued this particular ticket. The citizen wanted to ask me a couple of questions and it went something like this:
The Citizen: "Officer ..effin meter maid, can you prove that you were at my car at the time you stated you were?"
(Earlier when he was sworn in by the judge to give his testimony, he proudly exclaimed that he was a law student)...sorry I interrupted my own story..
Before I could say yes, the judge wanted to answer this one..Now this judge is noted for being fair to both sides. She was fair to the meter maids and fair to the citizens. You write a bad ticket and she had no patience for you. And the same goes for the citizen, you state a bad case or reason for the ticket being dismissed and you were toast.
The judge has her left hand under her chin and her left elbow resting on her desk..err podium. Throne? She looks at the citizen with a sparkle of intrigue in her eyes..
The Judge: " Didn't you receive the ticket on the car by the officer?'
Citizen: "yes."
Judge with a look of puzzlement: "Well that is how he proved he was there."
Citizen: "But he (Me) didn't prove that he was there like with a photograph or GPS.."
The Judge clearly befuddled and still with her hand on her chin but now glaring at the law student: "The officer doesn't take pictures of himself issuing tickets and you stated you did receive the ticket on your car."
The Citizen now squirming under the judges piercing eyes and what had seemed like a 5 minute pause: "Your honor I change my plea to guilty."
Now I am not the brightest meter maid, but that law student had me feeling pretty smart.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Yes, the house four doors down can hear you.
Yup, yelling and screaming at me will get me to stop writing you a ticket. Not.
I need bleach for my eyes!
This is only a request...
If your are going to run out of your house/apartment to stop me from writing you a ticket, please take a second or two to check what your are wearing. Or not wearing.
Its only a request.
For the dignity of your neighbors...
Your children..
Your friends...
If your are going to run out of your house/apartment to stop me from writing you a ticket, please take a second or two to check what your are wearing. Or not wearing.
Its only a request.
For the dignity of your neighbors...
Your children..
Your friends...
Job Oppenings
"You Fuckin' parking Nazi, Get a real job!"
My job is real and so are the paychecks. At least my bank thinks so, because they keep cashing my checks.
My job is real and so are the paychecks. At least my bank thinks so, because they keep cashing my checks.
"But, I was getting a Starbucks coffee"
The signs don't change for your convenience.
This is my usual statement after giving a ticket to a citizen who has parked against the wishes of the city ordinance. These signs are clearly posted, usually within the throwing distance of a four year old.
This is my usual statement after giving a ticket to a citizen who has parked against the wishes of the city ordinance. These signs are clearly posted, usually within the throwing distance of a four year old.
If the van is a rockin'...
I was enforcing my assigned beat one day...
I had come across a van that had an expired license plate, and so I started to write a ticket on this van. This van was parked on a not so busy street next to a park. It was about 11 am. Now keep in mind I am in my enforcement vehicle. As I pulled up along the side of this "soccer mom" van I noticed it had tinted windows. So I do what I always do and try to look through the windows to see if there is a driver just sitting in the driver seat. There was nobody in the front seat but someone was in the "driver's seat." As I was placing the ticket on the door I looked up to see a woman trying to: Place her right foot/leg over the arm rest, as she was ducking to not hit her head while trying to pull up her pants. Talented and probably a once a week yoga class enthusiast. Now I was somewhat distracted because I noticed movement to my right, through the tinted side window. I can vaguely see an outline of a man trying to also get dressed.
I being a professional, drove away.
I had come across a van that had an expired license plate, and so I started to write a ticket on this van. This van was parked on a not so busy street next to a park. It was about 11 am. Now keep in mind I am in my enforcement vehicle. As I pulled up along the side of this "soccer mom" van I noticed it had tinted windows. So I do what I always do and try to look through the windows to see if there is a driver just sitting in the driver seat. There was nobody in the front seat but someone was in the "driver's seat." As I was placing the ticket on the door I looked up to see a woman trying to: Place her right foot/leg over the arm rest, as she was ducking to not hit her head while trying to pull up her pants. Talented and probably a once a week yoga class enthusiast. Now I was somewhat distracted because I noticed movement to my right, through the tinted side window. I can vaguely see an outline of a man trying to also get dressed.
I being a professional, drove away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
