"Here's the wind-up..and the pitch to the plate.."

I know..long long LONG time since I posted..

Two weeks ago I am writing tickets in a North West hood. I found a vehicle to write for being too close to a crosswalk. Ordinance is 20ft from, and the car was 4ft. Simple enough..right?  So after writing the $25.00 ticket I moved on. That was about 10:21 am. About 2 hours later..repeat, About 2 hours and 20 tickets later I am back near where I wrote that ticket too close to a crosswalk. I am driving down a nice quiet street and in my rear view mirror I see a fast approaching vehicle. I pulled closer to the side and stopped.

The "fun" begins..

The vehicle comes to a fast stop in a 45 degree angle blocking East and West bound traffic...The driver, who I will call "Nolan Ryan" leaped out of his vehicle and started to run at my vehicle...

I will paraphrase..

"Fuck you..fuck fuck fuck fuckfuck fuck you again fuck feeucck and you wrote me a fuckin ticket" Only after hearing Nolan say that someone wrote him a ticket did I partially comprehend the situation. Partially is the operative word since I was unsure who had wrote the citation. I did not recognize the vehicle still at this point.

Long story..getting longer.

I yelled back with an arm motion "..get going I will call police...keep moving.." etc. etc. More "F" bombs yeadda yeadda yeadda. So he then yells.."The reason you are bald is because you write shitty tickets."  I differed. Poking my head out of the window, losing eyesight of Nolan, I yelled back "The reason I am bald is having to deal with people like (now looking directly at Nolan who is 15ft away..I see something being hurled at me) I finish my thought.."You."  The sound of a "crack" hitting my windshield. I quickly called dispatch and relayed the car's vitals to my dispatcher. To my right was a light blue coffee cup lying in the right of way. At that point I looked into my computer and only then did I notice that I wrote Nolan's vehicle earlier. Dispatch said he has been a "good customer." The time is now 12:07 pm.

Police showed up withing 15 minutes. Statement written. Witness 2 houses down makes himself available. Evidence bagged. Cop drives off and looks for purp. Another 15-20 minutes passes by. Police call me to do a sight drive by. "Yup, thats da guy." and Purp is issued a $250.00 citation by police and Nolan's appearance in court will soon follow.

A $25 buck citation, 2 hours later...

"Did I throw my cell phone at you?"

So I issued a citation to a vehicle and later the citizen found me. (Not at all hard since I was working in a small neighborhood..with bright flashing lights on my vehicle) Anyway she came up to me and I explained what the ticket was for. In between the expletives, I did recognize the words..and, the, you are, and go to. She finally went back to her vehicle, out of breath and out of short descriptive sentences. I would say..hmmm..about 10 minutes had past and I see the same woman, in her car, in my rear view mirror. Of course this is where I have a little fun. I drove around for 5 minutes with complete randomness. I finally pulled over. She came up to me window, cracked open 6 inches, and she started to apologize. After her apology, she asked one question, "Did I throw my cell phone at you?" I paused, trying not to laugh..at least..on the outside. I then said, "I did not hear anything hitting my vehicle."

How can someone be so angry, in a span of no more than 10 minutes, and forget if they did or did not throw their cell phone at me? The world may never know such minor things.

Wheelbarrow Violence

Due to the increased violence committed by wheelbarrows in my city, the police have begun locking them up.

Just another random picture while I am work as an "effin meter maid."

Street Sweeping...

The other day I was on my Street Sweeping route and had come to a delay at a Stop sign. I was going what the Fu.. is the hold up? The school bus was just sitting there and it must have been 3-4 minutes. (it seemed) And then I saw the delay. These two elderly people were crossing the street. Obviously I had to grab a picture.

So Take Me To Court!

So, last month I wrote a ticket during street sweeping. Street sweeping: You can't park on one side of the street, one day a month, April thru November, 8am to 5pm. So on this one day, on one side of the street a citizen obviously was mad. I never saw the gentleman. But he did go to the magistrate to have the tickets canceled. I am paraphrasing the notes here:

Citizen: Cancel my street sweeping ticket, I have a pass

Magistrate: (looks up his pass) You pass is no longer valid at your location. Besides, passes dont work during street sweeping.

Citizen: Cancel my ticket because I cant get up at 8am and move my car. (Magistrate did not leave a note whether they told him he had a whole month to move his car prior to his specific sweep day)

Magistrate:Offered ticket cost reduction. Citizen wants to have a final hearing.

So I get my summons to go to court. When it was my turn to be called before the traffic judge with the citizen, the judge asks him if he was ready. He said he wanted to make a statement on why he shouldn't pay for the ticket. The judge says that she will listen to him while he or I am on the stand. But not before we are all sworn in. She again asked if he wanted to have his final hearing or he could plead guilty. And then she said he will hear his statement. He plead guilty before I was even sworn in. The judge says "Thank You Officer, you may be excused."

Original citation amount: $25
Magistrates reduction he turned down: $20
Citation + late fee+ court fees=$71
Lesson learned: unknown

Break Time

Us "effin meter maids" take breaks like normal people. We eat and sleep like normal people. We don't all practice Mayan blood sacrifices, pray to pagan gods and or worship the devil. As we are traveling through the neighborhoods inciting fear and hate, we stop for a break or two. On one such warm almost spring day, I found a Lemonade Stand. A perfect spot and a wonderful host.

Cash only.

Mother And Son, Colfax.

During my daily travels, enforcement area's, I get to meet and or see some very nice people. As I was heading back to the office after a day of plundering the citizen's of my fair city, I saw these two very nice people. I asked them to smile. The son said, "I would if I had any teeth." I laughed aloud and took the picture.